


Sehnsucht

by TheEigthPillarGeneral



Category: Bleach
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nostalgia, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEigthPillarGeneral/pseuds/TheEigthPillarGeneral
Summary: "Sehnsucht: a strong, deep feeling of yearning, often accompanied by nostalgia, a dream of what could be, or a wish to escape a situation."It is also what haunts Jugram Haschwalth every night as he remembers happier days from his childhood, to the point where he yearns intensely for Bazz-B's company to ease his loneliness.
Relationships: Bazz-B/Jugram Haschwalth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Sehnsucht

**Author's Note:**

> When I came across the word 'Sehnsucht', I noticed just how much it fit Juazz perfectly, considering their past and how their present is. So I decided to write something where they just cuddle together, which made my heart hurt a little bit, honestly.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Jugram has never liked the night.

Since joining Yhwach’s army and becoming both his advisor and the Grandmaster of the Sternritter, night has become his least favourite period. At least during the day, Jugram can occupy himself with various tasks and duties assigned to him.

But when the night comes, and all of Silbern is quiet and still, Jugram finds himself haunted by all the thoughts and memories of his life prior to meeting Yhwach. It’s during the night when he is the most vulnerable to such thoughts, and no matter how much he’s tried, he cannot block those memories out.

When he climbs beneath the sheets of his bed, after changing into his sleep pants and getting ready for bed, he knows too well that he will be haunted by yet another memory tonight.

And this time, he’s haunted by the very day that Yhwach had selected him to be his advisor.

He can still remember everything: Hubert’s announcement of the formation of the Sternritter, Bazz-B challenging him to a fight, the immense reiatsu of Yhwach that had forced everyone to the ground…

The way his heart had soared in awe and hope and happiness when Yhwach had told him what his powers were; when he’d told him that he was  _ special, _ for the very first time in his whole life.

_ And yet… Bazz had looked so angry.  _ Jugram recalls, opening his eyes.  _ But what exactly was he angry about? _

Was he angry that he, the one whose powers weren’t all that advanced or developed, had been selected as Yhwach’s advisor and successor? Or was he angry at how they were torn apart by this new distance between them?

Jugram sighs, curling into himself a bit more.

The bed feels so cold, no matter how closely he curls in on himself. It might be large, it might have soft, silk sheets, but it’s bereft of all comfort and warmth.

No matter what memory plagues him, it all comes back to Bazz-B himself.

And every thought of Bazz-B only worsens the perpetual loneliness that haunts Jugram every night.

Jugram climbs out of bed and makes his way to the window, where his broadsword rests against the wall. Picking up the sword, he stares at the black hilt that’s adorned with a silver button engraved with the letter ‘B’.

He runs his thumb over the button, a faint smile crossing his face as he recalls the day that he received this token of friendship from Bazz-B.

* * *

_ Two years have passed since they first met. Even though they are both as different as night and day, their friendship still hasn’t wavered whatsoever. _

_ They’ve just finished a round of quincy training, with Jugram failing to develop even basic skills. Nevertheless, his swordsmanship and archery skills are getting much better than ever, and even Bazz-B can’t hide how impressed he is. _

_ “You’re getting pretty good, Jugo!” Bazz-B praises him. _

_ Despite that, though, Jugram still feels frustrated over the lack of quincy talent within him. Even if he’s getting good at sword fighting and archery, what’s the point of all of that if he cannot develop his talents as a quincy at all? _

_ Fed up with this lack of progress, Jugram storms off to the river, ignoring Bazz-B’s surprised calls of his name. _

_ “O-Oi! Jugo! Wait up!” _

_ Upon reaching the river, Jugram just stares down at his reflection, feeling the anger boiling over. He closes his eyes and just splashes the surface of the water, letting out all his anger into the action. _

_ A few moments later, he hears Bazz-B’s footsteps approaching him. _

_ “Jugo…” he says, sounding a little concerned. “What’s wrong?” _

_ Jugram frowns, since he’s hardly ever heard Bazz-B sounding this concerned for him. _

_ “Why do you even bother with me, Bazz?” he wonders, just staring down at his reflection again. “I’m probably weighing you down with my lack of quincy powers.” _

_ Bazz-B frowns at him. _

_ Then, before he even expects it, Jugram feels his fist lightly knocking him on the side of his head. _

_ “Hey! What was that for?!” _

_ “What are you, stupid?!” Bazz-B demands. “You’re my friend, Jugo! I won’t let you talk like that about yourself!” _

_ “Bazz…” _

_ “Besides, who’s to say that you’re not strong?!” Bazz-B continues. “You’ve never been useless or weighing me down at all! If I thought you were weighing me down, I would’ve told you to get lost a long time ago!” _

_ Jugram stares at him in surprise. _

_ That… That’s perhaps the sweetest thing Bazz-B has ever told him since he’d first met him. He’s never been very good at properly communicating his feelings, but things like this… they show what he’s really thinking. _

_ Somehow, knowing that Bazz-B actually thinks highly of him makes Jugram feel a lot better about himself. _

_ Unable to help himself, Jugram smiles weakly. “Thank you, Bazz,” he says. _

_ “Tch…” Bazz-B blushes slightly before turning his head away. “Don’t get all mushy on me now. I’m telling you the truth, that doesn’t mean you get to cry on me.” _

_ “I wasn’t gonna cry!” Jugram protests. _

_ “Sure you weren’t. Come on, let’s go get dinner.” _

_ Jugram just huffs slightly, but gets back up onto his feet. _

_ He and Bazz-B walk through the forest towards the village where they’ve been staying for some time now, silence lingering between them. _

_ It’s a good kind of silence, though. Jugram lets himself get lost in his thoughts for a short while until they near the village, when Bazz-B starts speaking. _

_ “Oi, Jugo…” Bazz-B says, getting his attention. “You know what day it is today?” _

_ Jugram glances at him. “What is it?” _

_ Bazz-B grins. “Today marks two years since we first met,” he tells him. “Can you believe it?” _

_ Honestly, he can’t. It’s almost hard to believe only two years have passed since Jugram was taken under Bazz-B’s wing. _

_ “I can’t believe it,” Jugram admits. _

_ “Heh…” Bazz-B chuckles. “Well, I got something for you to remember this day.” _

_ He rummages around in his pants pocket and pulls something out. “Here. This is for you.”  _

_ He opens his palm to reveal a silver button engraved with a ‘B’ in the center. It doesn’t look very expensive, but it doesn’t look cheap either. _

_ Jugram’s heart beats a little faster. Did Bazz-B really go out of his way to buy this for him? _

_ But then that awe turns into guilt as he realizes something. _

_ “I didn’t get you anything, Bazz,” he says, looking down. _

_ “Don’t worry about it,” Bazz-B reassures him. “Just take this.” _

_ Jugram nods, smiling at last as he takes the button, admiring the way it glimmers in the evening sun. “Thank you, Bazz,” he says at last. _

_ Bazz-B smiles again, slinging an arm around Jugram’s shoulders. “Don’t mention it,” he tells him. “Let’s keep on getting stronger together, Jugo.” _

_ “Of course.” _

* * *

Jugram sighs wistfully, running his thumb over the button again. His heart aches stronger than ever, and that feeling of longing hits full force this time.

It’s almost ironic, how only three years after receiving this button, Yhwach had come and taken him to be his successor and advisor. Now, they’re in two different worlds, and Jugram has never felt lonelier than he does right now.

He hates the night so much because it’s during the night when he misses Bazz-B the most.

What would things be like, had Jugram not been selected by Yhwach? Would they still be friends today? Would they have followed through on their original plan of becoming strong quincies?

Does Bazz-B miss him to the same extent as well? Or does he hate him for being selected?

Or even worse… does he hate him for how much their friendship has crumbled?

Jugram sets his sword back against the wall, and slowly places his hand over his heart, as if trying to stop the pain within.

Never before has he yearned for Bazz-B’s company so much… but would Bazz-B even want to see him?

_ What am I thinking? _ Jugram blinks, realizing what he’d just thought.  _ His Majesty should always come first. It’s your duty. _

But not even that thought can quell this kind of yearning within him.

At last, he can no longer bear it. Just remembering Bazz-B’s smile, his brash personality, his rough but endearing ways of showing how much he cared… it’s all what he loves about him the most.

_ To hell with ‘duty’. _ He thinks to himself.

He’ll return to His Majesty’s side in the morning. But tonight, he’s going to forget about his duties.

With his mind made up, he finds his bathrobe, slips it on over his bare chest and ties it up, then leaves his chambers.

The hallways are completely silent, save for Jugram’s quiet footsteps towards the wing where the Sternritters’ chambers are. His heart is beating hard against his chest, whether it’s out of excitement or fear, he’s not very sure.

All he hopes is that Bazz-B is willing to see him.

He knocks on Bazz-B’s door and waits, distantly hearing some movement in the chambers. After a few minutes, he knocks on the door again.

“I’m comin’, give me a second!” Bazz-B snaps.

Seconds later, the door opens to reveal Bazz-B, his Mohawk a little messy and wearing nothing but black boxers. He looks a bit grumpy, but upon seeing Jugram, his eyes soften just a tad.

“Jugo?” he says, confused. “What are you doing here?”

And suddenly, Jugram falters beneath Bazz-B’s gaze, looking down in embarrassment.

“I wanted to see you.” He looks back up at him. “May I… May I come in?”

Bazz-B regards him in surprise, but nods slowly. “I guess,” he says, stepping aside.

Jugram steps inside his chambers, the door closing behind him as he takes in the scent of burnt wood that lingers in the air.

“I apologize for waking you up,” Jugram says, watching as Bazz-B sits down on the bed.

“I wasn’t sleeping anyways,” Bazz-B tells him with a shrug. “Why are you awake, though?”

“I couldn’t sleep either,” Jugram answers.

He looks down, crossing his arms over his chest as he wonders why he feels so weirdly anxious. “May I stay with you for the night, Bazz?” he asks.

Again, Bazz-B looks stunned and confused.

Swallowing heavily, Jugram continues. “I’ll be sure to leave before dawn,” he says quietly. “But if you don’t want me to stay, then-”

“You can stay.”

Jugram looks up in surprise, only to see Bazz-B giving him that familiar smile he’d grown to love so dearly.

He’s… letting him stay? He doesn’t hate him at all?

His heart flutters against his chest, and he lets himself smile back for a brief moment.

_ It’s like nothing has changed between us. _

Jugram removes his bathrobe and sets it aside before approaching the bed, where Bazz-B has already settled beneath the covers.

“Thank you, Bazz,” he whispers, climbing beneath the sheets and pulling them over his bare torso.

Seconds later, he feels Bazz-B’s warm arms circling his body before he’s pulled close to his chest. It’s so tender, so gentle, and such an intimate warmth surrounds him as he closes his eyes.

To think that Bazz-B would be so willing to let him stay here… it almost feels like a dream.

But why would Bazz-B want him to sleep in his bed for the night? Shouldn’t he want nothing to do with him? Shouldn’t he… he hate him?

“Why do you want to sleep here?” Bazz-B asks, stroking his hair.

Jugram opens his eyes and looks up at him.

“Why are you so willing to let me stay here?” he asks softly. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me after… after what happened.”

Bazz-B frowns slightly. “Oi, don’t avoid the question,” he chides. “Tell me, Jugo.”

Jugram sighs quietly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he admits. “Sometimes, I wonder if things could have been different between us, instead of how they are now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Things have changed so much between us,” Jugram continues wistfully. “It’s almost hard to believe we were once friends.”

A bitter chuckle escapes from Bazz-B. “You’re right about that,” he agrees. “But I guess becoming His Majesty’s successor and advisor changes things.”

Jugram nods slowly.

“What do you think about, anyways?” Bazz-B asks.

“A lot of things, mainly our childhood days.”

Bazz-B smiles faintly. “I also think of those days as well,” he admits. “I’d say they were the best days of my life.”

Jugram remains silent as Bazz-B continues speaking.

“Sometimes, I wish we were still living that kind of life, instead of this one,” he continues. “At least then, we can still be together.”

That does sound rather… nice.

To be free of his duties, to spend his days with Bazz-B in the forest, just hunting and training, then just talking about various things afterwards, and only occasionally going to the nearby village… it sounds so wonderfully peaceful and idyllic.

“It doesn’t sound so bad,” Jugram agrees.

It’s too bad that such a life can never be achieved for either of them. The most they can do is dream about that life, though.

The feeling of Bazz-B’s fingers in his hair is so soothing, and Jugram just leans into his embrace.

“I never hated you, Jugo,” Bazz-B tells him quietly. “You mean a lot to me.”

Such simple words, and yet they make Jugram’s heart beat a little faster.

Unable to respond, he just circles his arms around Bazz-B, who seems to accept that as a response.

“Thank you…” he whispers again.

He feels Bazz-B kissing his forehead gently, and his cheeks heat up from the tender gesture.

“Go to sleep, Jugo,” he murmurs.

Closing his eyes, Jugram allows himself to succumb to sleep in Bazz-B’s arms, letting himself forget about their current circumstances.

Right now, it’s as if they had never parted ways so painfully. Jugram knows that when the sun rises, they will have to return to their current standings and act as superior and subordinate again.

But for now, Jugram will give into his heart’s desire, and cherish this precious moment for as long as he lives.

To be in the arms of the one he loves… not even being Yhwach’s heir can compare to it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: As it turns out, there had been a canon explanation of how Haschwalth got the button, which I somehow missed when reading the chapter. So I'll just keep this as an alternate version of how it came to be. My apologies for screwing with the canon!
> 
> Please let me know how I did, and have a good one!


End file.
